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Are you thinking of making contact with someone you have not seen in a long while?
Using a mediation service is an imperative move when initiating contact.
Initial contact is a delicate step and, if you want a smooth transition you need mediation. We will initiate contact. We will ask the person what their thoughts are about having direct contact with you, we will gently encourage them to have a dialogue with you and we will also pass on messages, letters, and photographs when needed.
It is important to ensure that the person is ready, willing and able to communicate with you.
We can’t stress enough about how important mediation is!
Our mediation process will involve us delicately explaining who we are, what we do and why we are reaching out to them. It really does make a big difference to success rates and having someone on hand to support you and your traced person through the initial first steps can make so much difference to the end results.
What if they don’t want contact?
We are happy to advise that most of our mediations are successful, but not all of them. If the person feels that now is not the right time to have contact, we will try and get as much information as possible. We will ask why, and if there are willing to hold our details in case they change their mind.
They may also choose not to discuss the issue at all. In this case, there is little that can be done. We will send them out a letter asking them to keep our details on hand in case they change their mind in the future. I am glad to say that several have come back to us after several months and asked us to put them in touch.
In cases where no contact is returned or if they choose to decline contact, you must respect their wishes. Do not continue to reach out to them afterward. This is a condition that you must agree to when undertaking our intermediary services.
If you are sure you want to reach out to the traced person, we firmly advise you use our experts here to mediate in the first instance.
What are the costs of mediation?
Mediating costs are £149+VAT for the first 3 months, most mediations are closed within this timeframe. We may also ask for postage fees dependent on what or if we need to send out important paperwork or goods by a special delivery method.
We can really help in softening the blow to people we have found. It can be an overwhelming experience when someone from the past turns up suddenly.
I want to make contact on my own
It is your choice, but one we would not recommend. However, as long as there are no legal restrictions in place, there is nothing stopping you from making contact. But there are some Do’s and Definitely, don’t do’s. We have listed out some simple advice for you. Some of it may seem obvious but we wish to be clear on how you should go about this delicate step.
|Write a short simple letter, try and keep it to less than one page. Keep it non-specific and try to give them a general idea of how you knew them. Your email address or Mobile Phone number, and if you feel comfortable, a physical address.|
|Let them call you first. If you do have their number, we always recommend that you let them call you. Give them time to remember who you are and prepare for the conversation.|
|Give them time. If they don’t respond immediately give them plenty of time. We recommend no more then three letters to be sent and they should be sent every 1-3 months. So one letter each month over three months, or 1 letter every two months over six months. If you do not get a reply you should accept that they do not wish to respond. The final letter should say that you will now leave them alone. But ask them to keep your details safe incase they have a change of heart.|
|Respect their wishes. Although we are glad to say most of our locates have positive outcomes and go on to meet and have relationships. But not all of them do. If your findee’ has asked you to cease contact, you must respect their wishes. Don’t revert back asking why or pass on “sorry’s” for past happenings. Simply stop communication and try to have the peace of mind that you tried your best. The decision is now with them. And, if they do change their mind, they know where to go to.|
DEFINITELY DON’T DO’S
|When we say keep the letter short we mean it. The first letter should, in simple terms say, I’m here, I want to make contact with you. How do feel about this?|
Don’t go on about how you fell in love and never forgot or long-winded apologies or explanations of past occurrences or family rifts or feuds. You can talk about these later.
|Never call them up unannounced. It can cause unrepairable damage. People often say things they later regret and if you call them up out of the blue this may well be the case. In simple terms, a call out of the blue means that you are demanding they give you a reply. You are not giving them time to think, remember, or consider your contact first.|
|Don’t send lots of letters over a short period of time. Don’t send gifts or money either. It can be seen as patronizing or that you are trying to buy their affections. It can also be quite a frightening experience and that’s the last response you want. You need to give them enough time to read your letter, know who you are and you need to give them time to discuss the matter with people who matter to them.|
|NEVER TURN UP AT THEIR ADDRESS. Unless you have been invited. You should not ever take it upon yourself to visit them at their home without consent. This could cause a family argument or rift which may cause unwanted problems. If you are looking to have a relationship or ongoing contact with them never turn up on their doorstep!|